loose ends

im spreading myself & my time too thin too busy trying to please everyone. so i've decided that im just going to cut EVERYONE off and stay to myself & stay in the house. because being nice gets you no where. and now i only have niko.......if even that. i must be in a really down stage to let feelings get involved, but oh well. thats just how it happened. feelings come....and they can easily be gone.

TheRundown.

howdy do fellow bloggers? i know i've been gone for a while, forgive me. but i've been cuddling up with tumblr :/ ahhh, but im back now, so smile :D well, i guess we can get right down to business, eh?

General Life: i havent really been up to much. just working and chilling...the usual. yesterday...well, two days ago i went dorm room shopping and got loads of stuff, and there's still more i have yet to get. im PUMPED!!! my room colors are grey, a muted yellow, white, and the default blue for blogger links lol. that's the best way i could describe it. i originally wanted my room to beb lack, grey, and red, but i swear i could not find ANYTHING with those colors. i felt so defeated :/ so i went to the next best thing. i could have easily done the bright colors like every other girl has and like ive seen in dorm rooms, but those colors would get on my nerves, and i didnt want me and my roommate having any chance of getting our things switched up and confused o_O. speaking of roommates i can't find mine for shit. and it doesnt help that i cant log into my uncg email at all. :( i have to call the school tomorrow to let them know of that problem. my move in day is August 20th. rashaunda and i have the same move in day AND we stay in the same dorm, so you know im excited :D !!!!!! our parents are uber excited too. i would like for them to calm that shit down though!! lol

Personal Life: welp. pat and i....are pat and i. i guess you can call me lady sneakahead now[his twitter name is @dr_sn3kahead23]. he gave me that name by the way. anyway....i dont know how i feel about me and pat. i feel like there could be so much more if i would just put some effort into it. but i find myself not caring for him as much as i care for tia. :/ there are times when i really wish i could make tia mine, but then sometimes she jst makes me go ughhhhhhhhh!!!!! all because she still loves raheem. which i guess i can respect. eh, BLAH! i just know i need something...exciting...something new. or what? idk. but niko is all of that for me. and i feel as if he wants to start someting since he's no longer wth deveny [lord that chick doesnt like m AT ALL, but little does she know that i really have done nothing but be a friend to niko and just listen to him talk. that's it]. and i really wouldn't mind actally giving into my desires of being something to niko but a couple of things bug me. one: people think they have me all figured out and i swear everyone is UL thinks they know who i want/like. smh. two: pat is still there. three: our age difference. im 18. niko is 27. niko is a grown man who was ready and willing to start a family which is DEFINITELY NOT in my near future at all. and sometimes i feel like he just disregards my age, though he's well aware of it. along with everyone else who's knows bout me and niko being as close as we are [alvin & zakiya...and of course my friends know. but i mean on his end] even when tia kind afound out about us, she was like "wtf?! he's a grown man". but *shrug* i can't control that. i sometimes forget his age myself. i forget my own age. this summer all i've been hanging around is 21+ people. i dont know how that happened. but im getting off track...back to the topic at hand. niko was in such a depression for a while and such a funk and all i could do was offer to be his friend and be there for him when he needed to talk. i'd just let him talk...and say what i guess he couldn't tell to deveny. eventually, he got tired of that feeling. i told him he was Lion...he supposed to be strong...but he said he gets tired of being the strong one & why can't he just hurt sometimes? and that kinda hit home for me and my heart went aww. i told him he could lean on me and he simply asked "can you handle all this pain?". well.....all i can do is help him cope with it. and help get his mind off of things. and that's exactly what i do. i'm supposed to be chilling with him tomorrow. who knows how that will go. hopefully i can make my lion smile....a genuine smile. not just one to cover up the pain. that was my goal for this summer, and i can only hope that i can fulfill that goal . not even for me......bur for him.

lonely, again.

its about 4 in the morning & i have nobody to talk to. i used to talk to pat around this time when he was in germany, cause he would be awake, but now he's back home & he's sleep right now, like a normal person should be doing. but i want to talk to him. i miss him. he kinda upset me the other night/morning, but i got over it. i just have this lonely feeling right now. i wanna be all cuddled up & stuff with him right now. ugh, im having a weak moment, but it's all good. haha.


and me being lonely adding on to the fact that im horny as fuck doesnt make this any better. SMDH!

well hello there. just felt like blogging a big since i haven't been up here in a while. so, it's about 3 something in the afternoon, and i woke up not too long ago. my sleep schedule is ALL fucked up, geez. and i'm craving some more red velvet cupcakes right now, but i'm too lazy to go to the store and get the mix :/ anywho, my life has been pretty ok. a little dull since the summer started, but overall good. i need new excitement in my life. not a new person [which i originally thought i needed] but someting to keep me busy and occupy my time...something i can look forward to everyday. and as of right now, i dont have that. my excitement used to be photography, but since i don't have a camera i guess i really can't take any amazing pictures now can i? hmph :/ i'll have to solve that problem soon.

#lonelytweet

so, i've come to the realization that im lonely. truly lonely. and i dont know why i feel so lonely, but i do. i need a new companion. someone who's good for me and trustworthy. ya know? i only want this during the summer tho. someone i can call mine until i leave. i want Someone to be able to run to, Someone to cuddle with, Someone to share my nights with.



yup....im definitely lonely.

I'm Back....Kinda. :)

Heyyyy you guyssss. It's been forever and a day since i last posted something, foreal. I kinda misses yall *tear*.


Well, here's some new things. Part of my hair is a different color now, i have one day left of high schol, graduation is right around the corner, and i think i have a summer fling...or two? haha. Life is a bit crazy right now, but im managing. Im just ready for the rest of this week to be over, so i can say im officially done with high school. Then graduation is next. I get my new car from my popz, walk across that stage, then im out this biotchhhhh. :) I'm going to make my summer the absolute BEST it has ever been. And then i'm going to start my new chapter in greensboro as a UNCG Spartan. :) aren't yall so proud of me? lol im so ready for the college life.


i can only imagine what kind of crazyness and mess i'll get into once i hit up the boro..........

iWin. You Lose.

what exactly am i losing by not being being you? not a damn thing! :) you had no job, no car, no money, and cheated an lied like hell. you are doing me a favor actually by playing me and going to some other side girl. now i dont have to worry about you anymore and that is the best feeling EVER!