loose ends

im spreading myself & my time too thin too busy trying to please everyone. so i've decided that im just going to cut EVERYONE off and stay to myself & stay in the house. because being nice gets you no where. and now i only have niko.......if even that. i must be in a really down stage to let feelings get involved, but oh well. thats just how it happened. feelings come....and they can easily be gone.

TheRundown.

howdy do fellow bloggers? i know i've been gone for a while, forgive me. but i've been cuddling up with tumblr :/ ahhh, but im back now, so smile :D well, i guess we can get right down to business, eh?

General Life: i havent really been up to much. just working and chilling...the usual. yesterday...well, two days ago i went dorm room shopping and got loads of stuff, and there's still more i have yet to get. im PUMPED!!! my room colors are grey, a muted yellow, white, and the default blue for blogger links lol. that's the best way i could describe it. i originally wanted my room to beb lack, grey, and red, but i swear i could not find ANYTHING with those colors. i felt so defeated :/ so i went to the next best thing. i could have easily done the bright colors like every other girl has and like ive seen in dorm rooms, but those colors would get on my nerves, and i didnt want me and my roommate having any chance of getting our things switched up and confused o_O. speaking of roommates i can't find mine for shit. and it doesnt help that i cant log into my uncg email at all. :( i have to call the school tomorrow to let them know of that problem. my move in day is August 20th. rashaunda and i have the same move in day AND we stay in the same dorm, so you know im excited :D !!!!!! our parents are uber excited too. i would like for them to calm that shit down though!! lol

Personal Life: welp. pat and i....are pat and i. i guess you can call me lady sneakahead now[his twitter name is @dr_sn3kahead23]. he gave me that name by the way. anyway....i dont know how i feel about me and pat. i feel like there could be so much more if i would just put some effort into it. but i find myself not caring for him as much as i care for tia. :/ there are times when i really wish i could make tia mine, but then sometimes she jst makes me go ughhhhhhhhh!!!!! all because she still loves raheem. which i guess i can respect. eh, BLAH! i just know i need something...exciting...something new. or what? idk. but niko is all of that for me. and i feel as if he wants to start someting since he's no longer wth deveny [lord that chick doesnt like m AT ALL, but little does she know that i really have done nothing but be a friend to niko and just listen to him talk. that's it]. and i really wouldn't mind actally giving into my desires of being something to niko but a couple of things bug me. one: people think they have me all figured out and i swear everyone is UL thinks they know who i want/like. smh. two: pat is still there. three: our age difference. im 18. niko is 27. niko is a grown man who was ready and willing to start a family which is DEFINITELY NOT in my near future at all. and sometimes i feel like he just disregards my age, though he's well aware of it. along with everyone else who's knows bout me and niko being as close as we are [alvin & zakiya...and of course my friends know. but i mean on his end] even when tia kind afound out about us, she was like "wtf?! he's a grown man". but *shrug* i can't control that. i sometimes forget his age myself. i forget my own age. this summer all i've been hanging around is 21+ people. i dont know how that happened. but im getting off track...back to the topic at hand. niko was in such a depression for a while and such a funk and all i could do was offer to be his friend and be there for him when he needed to talk. i'd just let him talk...and say what i guess he couldn't tell to deveny. eventually, he got tired of that feeling. i told him he was Lion...he supposed to be strong...but he said he gets tired of being the strong one & why can't he just hurt sometimes? and that kinda hit home for me and my heart went aww. i told him he could lean on me and he simply asked "can you handle all this pain?". well.....all i can do is help him cope with it. and help get his mind off of things. and that's exactly what i do. i'm supposed to be chilling with him tomorrow. who knows how that will go. hopefully i can make my lion smile....a genuine smile. not just one to cover up the pain. that was my goal for this summer, and i can only hope that i can fulfill that goal . not even for me......bur for him.

lonely, again.

its about 4 in the morning & i have nobody to talk to. i used to talk to pat around this time when he was in germany, cause he would be awake, but now he's back home & he's sleep right now, like a normal person should be doing. but i want to talk to him. i miss him. he kinda upset me the other night/morning, but i got over it. i just have this lonely feeling right now. i wanna be all cuddled up & stuff with him right now. ugh, im having a weak moment, but it's all good. haha.


and me being lonely adding on to the fact that im horny as fuck doesnt make this any better. SMDH!

well hello there. just felt like blogging a big since i haven't been up here in a while. so, it's about 3 something in the afternoon, and i woke up not too long ago. my sleep schedule is ALL fucked up, geez. and i'm craving some more red velvet cupcakes right now, but i'm too lazy to go to the store and get the mix :/ anywho, my life has been pretty ok. a little dull since the summer started, but overall good. i need new excitement in my life. not a new person [which i originally thought i needed] but someting to keep me busy and occupy my time...something i can look forward to everyday. and as of right now, i dont have that. my excitement used to be photography, but since i don't have a camera i guess i really can't take any amazing pictures now can i? hmph :/ i'll have to solve that problem soon.

#lonelytweet

so, i've come to the realization that im lonely. truly lonely. and i dont know why i feel so lonely, but i do. i need a new companion. someone who's good for me and trustworthy. ya know? i only want this during the summer tho. someone i can call mine until i leave. i want Someone to be able to run to, Someone to cuddle with, Someone to share my nights with.



yup....im definitely lonely.

I'm Back....Kinda. :)

Heyyyy you guyssss. It's been forever and a day since i last posted something, foreal. I kinda misses yall *tear*.


Well, here's some new things. Part of my hair is a different color now, i have one day left of high schol, graduation is right around the corner, and i think i have a summer fling...or two? haha. Life is a bit crazy right now, but im managing. Im just ready for the rest of this week to be over, so i can say im officially done with high school. Then graduation is next. I get my new car from my popz, walk across that stage, then im out this biotchhhhh. :) I'm going to make my summer the absolute BEST it has ever been. And then i'm going to start my new chapter in greensboro as a UNCG Spartan. :) aren't yall so proud of me? lol im so ready for the college life.


i can only imagine what kind of crazyness and mess i'll get into once i hit up the boro..........

iWin. You Lose.

what exactly am i losing by not being being you? not a damn thing! :) you had no job, no car, no money, and cheated an lied like hell. you are doing me a favor actually by playing me and going to some other side girl. now i dont have to worry about you anymore and that is the best feeling EVER!

My Laugh Of the Day.

so, there was a kid riding his bike around the local piggly wiggly. everytime he would go around the building he would point and say "i run this....all day...."

#FACT

i loved him....but i was in love with him*

Im Saying...

is it weird to catch an addiction to weed this quick?

Spring Break

So, its been a while since i posted and all. My bad. :) But anyway, im on spring break now, thank you jesus! i've needed this break for the longestttttt. And even tho i didnt get to go to the beach with my friends, my spring break has actually been pretty awesome. :D


Im happy my bestest friend Danielle is back, now i wont be soooooooooo bored. She told me all the stories and showed me pictures from the VA Beach trip. Haha, had me rollinnnn. But we've been having fun too! We chilled with my niggas J. King, Rob, Quez, and Howard yesterday. Lil Rob is the cutest thing i swear. lmao. Haha. We went to the mall.....im still laughing about lal of us discussing whether we wanted to sit down in R&R or not, and how if we wanted to, we could just take this girl seat. lmao. You had to be there to understand why it was soooooooooo funny.

but anyway, the carnival is here too. i went to that with my friend Jaz. we ended up leaving with my cuzzo and Dev, and meeting up with J.King and them. now THAT was a pretty interesting night. smh. i wanted to go to the carnival with NKW, but his allergies were acting up, so that was a no go. blah


but yeah, thats it for now, but spring break is still just getting started. i have a feeling a lot more will be happening. heheh :)

It Was Never There...

the fact that i used to love him...
the fact that his opinion used to matter most...
the fact that i could never picture myself without him...
the fact that i thought he felt the same way...
the fact that i know he cheated while we were together, but i never said anything...
the fact that i know he lied numerous times, yet i never said anything...
the fact that he makes assumptions, which are complete bullshit...
the fact that i would still go back to him...
the fact that he just couldnt handle me...
the fact that he couldnt accept me...
the fact that he was a true asshole, which will get him absoultely no where in life...
the fact that he's never been right...not even once....
the fact that his ego is too big for hisself....
the fact that his ignornace and stupidity blocked me from really opening up to him...
the fact that i dont regret a bit of it tho...
the fact that i can say im completely over him and that phase of my life...
the fact that i have so much more and much better things in life waiting for me...




the fact that he doesnt even matter now.....



its amazing how he was once everything to me, and now i just see him as another nigga in the hallway. his mouth and actions always fcked him up, and he never learned from em. i realized i was slowly being dragged dow, and i gained nothing from the relationship, but knowing what its like to love someone for their all, but not having them love you back the same way.

Remember This.

"Never Let Anyone Who's Accomplished Much Less Than You Talk Shit About You.....Period"

Side Hoe.

Realize....He's Mine.

So either learn to stay in your place as the side chick and stop tryna take my place as his main, or completely disappear. As you learned before, trying to take my place isnt going to work, so i suggest you either back off like i told you, or find someone else. Simple as that. I wont be nice for much longer. Know that. So take my advice and go hop on another nigga dick. Bitch. :)

Spring Time.

spring is cominggg, and im excited :)
im ready to get all girly in my semi pastel colors and little skirts. haha. awkwarddd. but, seriously, im ready for the gorgeous weather, and everything that comes along with spring. including spring break, prom, and the ending of senior year.





Spring Break is going to be the BEST! i get to spend that time with my girls crystal, rashaunda, and danielle. and we are going to go wild. our spring break will be spent in va beach, away from the rest of the Durhamites that are going to Myrtle Beach. i need to buy a new bathing suit, btw. i just may do that today :) i want a gold one! :)




prom is also fast approaching. and yes, i have my prom date. mr Nicholas Keith Warren :) im really excited for prom, which is kind of surprising. not sure what color i want to wear, but i do know i want a short dress. dont really like how long dresses look on me. makes me feel and look even shorter than i already am. :p




and graduation. boy, oh, boy. i am SO ready for graduation, and move on with my life outside of durham. i will be attending UNCG :) and i plan on double majoring in either Biology and Spanish Or Chemistry and Spanish with a minor of French. pretty awesome, right? the college is having a campus visit day for everyone that was admitted this coming up Saturday, so i will definitely be going to that. hopefully, my dear rashaunda will be able to accompany me also.





well, thats really all for now. anything else new going on and ill be sure to fill you guys in.
P.S. Bryce and i are on good terms, and im pretty content with where we are.

Who's Better?

The Notorious BIG or Pac?

just wondering...

Bashing.

Ok, so, as you guys kow, im usually all for shit talking, but one thing i really can't do i bash my ex. I cant just sit here and talk shit about someone i once cared for very deeply. And i'll look on twitter and see the shit everywhere, look on facebook, see it all in status' and what not, hell, even look in blogs. But i just can not sit here and talk shit about my ex. They are an ex for a reason. i dont need to focus anymore time and energy into them. im not going to sit there and try and make you look bad, or go in on you or some other random shit like that, because it is in no way going to benefit me. At all. What is me talking shit about you going to do for me? When i see that, that just means that person still had feelings for the other and they just ryna over it up. *shrug* well, thats my take on things. Not gonna say its the case for all. but anyways. I dont talk shit about people i cared about, and im not going to let another person disrepsect them either. Someone tried that shit today in my formspring inbox, and i shut it down quick. Theres no need to be rude as hell. Give me a reason for that shit? Let them live their life, and ima live mine.

And i find it so funny when people tell me to try and go ham on my ex. Nigga, for what?! "Cause he be tryna go in on you sometimes" Ok, and? im not getting hurt by that shit. if he feels like he has to do all that or say all that, then let him. he isnt dong a damn thing to me. so what would be the point of me "goin in" on him? all that shows me is that he dont know how to handle shit in a mature way. its not making me look bad at all. shitttt :) but i dont really give a fck, because, lets face it, thats just how that nigga is. i still got love for the boy, no doubt, but none of yall can get me to the point where ima make un needed comments and shit like that soley about him and shit talking him. not gonna happen. so, take that how you want, or whatever, shittt, idgaf. ayeee. hhaha



P.S. Now, if he came at me directly....that would be a different story ;)

Hair Cut :)

Today i got my hair cut. And now i feel...free. :) I've been wanting to get my hair cut for soooooo long, but i never knew if it would look right on me. So today, i just went for it. And i love it! and other people like it too :) i want to add some color to it a little later. maybe a golden brownish type color or whatever [?]. now im ready to go to school to see everybodys reactions and see what they have to say. i know there will be some hater type ish said, but idgaf. fck yall :)

P.S. Excuse the junkiness of my closet in the background of the pic. Haha

Ms Roddeyyyyy, Ms Roddey.

Look at my old shawty. Gorgeous aint she? Yup...that's old bae, and she'll probably kill me for using this pic, but oh well. Lol. but anyways, meet miss Ayana Roddey. The middle name shall remain unknown. lls. She's a good girl, and i pretty much took her thru some shit. And i kinda don't like myself for it. But i mean, hey, what's done is done. But umm..lemme start from the beginning. First day i met her was during her freshmen orientation [chill out, i know she young like shit] and she was a student in one of my classes. Im busy talking about riverside and stuff and ask if anyone has questions, and she raises her hand, and goes on to tell me that i had on really nice shoes. Lol. And the rest of the kids agreed. After that we would talk on facebook a lil. See her in the hall say a lil hey. Then there was the football game. Shawty was crying cause of some grimey shit her "friends" said/did or whatever, so i decided to walk around with her until she calmed down and whatnot, ya know? She was even pretty when she cried doe :) but anyway, the next couple of days she started freaking out cuase there were rumors going around bout me and her and blah blah blah. it was ridiculous. Though, now that i think about it, it was pretty ironic. But yeah, soon after that, she came out to me.....and then we kinda started talking :) lol and a lil while after that...she was mine and i was ALL smiles. Happy like shit. And couldnt nobody tell us nothing. Straight like that! Oh yeah, thats also when that lil nigga had problems with me, cause i lowski too his girl. Lmao. i felt a little bit bad tho...but kinda not really. And then there was the homeoming game. It was the best :) And the next football game after that, when we sat in the stands and froze our asses off together. But then things kinda started going downhill. "people' were involved, feelings were hurt, and it all came crashing down. And thats when it went alllll bad. I really didnt wanna let her go, but i had no choice BUT to let her go. .......from then to now, we done had ups and downs, not talking at all, dont even look at each other....but now...we good :D and i cant help but smile when i see her name pop up on my phone. I really do miss all the smiles, laughs, and good times we had...and all the ones we should have had. but theres nothing really left to do now, except let our friendship get stronger, back to what it used to be, and see what happens from there on out. I take back all the wrong things i've done, everything i've said, and everything i've put her thru....And if only i could go back and redo things.....

But if i was able to change things in the past.....trust, things would be a lot different now.

Ms Roddey, I'll Always Be Here For You Like I Said I Would...And I Won't Forget Nor Leave You Behind.

Formspring.

Yeah, i've given in and i got a formspring. smh. lol But Aye, ask me whatever doeeeee.

http://www.formspring.me/MikeyVixon